You're going to miss this, they say
It's the advice (no one asks for) that parents with young kids hear all too often. But when Heather Hanson is in the weeds of mothering, she has to wonder if it's really true.
You're Going To Miss This, They Say
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
As my two year old lays prostrate in the middle of the road in front of the neighbors house, protesting, refusing to take even one step toward home.
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
As my six year old screams and stomps over the injustice of the verdict just delivered that there are no more screen time minutes left today.
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
While I’m trying to remember who’s clothes need folding, delivering or fixing, where everyone’s snacks, lunches, shoes and toys are, all necessary for the day ahead, who needs to have a bath and whether we need more diapers, soap or laundry detergent.
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
Watching my child run down the hall at the end of the day with a huge grin on his face, yelling “Momma!” at daycare pick up.
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
As my husband and I just look at each other, hoping, wishing, we could get more than two, sometimes three, words out at a time in our own conversations before being interrupted with shouts of “Momma, Look…” “Momma, I need you.” “Momma, I have a question.” “Dadda, help me.” “Dadda…” “Momma…”
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
As my children scale me like rock climbers, clinging to me as if letting go means plunging to the ground without a rope, all while I’m longing for five minutes of quiet and six inches of space.
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
Cuddled up reading books as a family, listening to the words, admiring the pictures, and memorizing their tiny features that I know will grow and change with time; then rocking them to sleep, even though I know I’m supposed to let them learn to fall asleep on their own.
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
Watching my boys sit next to each other off the end of the dock, one “teaching” the other how to fish, hoping that the conversations on race, gender, gun violence, pandemics and all the heaviness of this world have some impact on these boys who will one day be men.
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
Our new battlecry in the midst of all the hard and messy that has become our lives.
“You’re going to miss this,” they say…
Each night falling into bed, every fiber of my being exhausted from the delicate tightrope balance that is working motherhood.
“You’re going to miss this…”
Maybe. Maybe I will. Maybe somewhere, somehow I’m going to miss this. The moments I want so desperately to end so intricately intertwined with those I wish I could freeze frame forever.
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I am a boy-mom of two and pediatric physical therapist turned healthcare administrator. I’m married to a Rochester “boomerang” who told me when we met 15 years ago he’d never move back to Rochester. We’ve been in Rochester for almost 10 years now! Listen to Your Mother Rochester has been a Mother’s Day tradition for me since 2016 and I’m honored to share online this year.
My boys were 2 and 6 when I wrote this piece in the summer/fall of 2020, a few months into the Covid pandemic. I held it for myself for several years and finally felt ready to share. In many ways, I feel that I could rewrite parts of this for each of the phases we’ve been through since.
My least favorite parenting comments others say to me are “enjoy every moment” and “you’re going to miss this”. Being a mother is hard. And messy. And the truth is I don’t enjoy every moment or miss certain phases. Do I miss certain parts? Of course. All of it? Definitely not. And I think the same will ring true for each stage of mothering my boys. My hope is that the raw honesty of this will offer solidarity to others who may not miss or enjoy certain parts in their own parenting journey either.